I was recently at a large dinner gathering with my husband. Around the table sat old friends and new, and about an hour into the meal, the conversation started to wane. We had caught up on family news, work news, life news. I kind of panic when conversations go quiet, so I like to have an engaging question ready to keep the connection going.

Our bodies are miraculous, digesting everything we put into our mouths. Teeth, saliva, esophagus, stomach, intestines … these systems work diligently to keep us alive and functioning at the highest levels. But when it comes to digesting and metabolizing the stress and traumas both major and minor that come with this business of living, our psycho-spiritual systems may be running on autopilot, but they aren’t always functioning in a way that serves our highest good.

Every December, I have a little planning ritual. I ask myself one very simple question: What kinds of experiences am I interested in having with my family and friends this season? I let myself get audacious and creative. Once I feel satisfied, I trim it down to the most delicious essentials—the people, places, and activities that truly fill my tank. Once I have that streamlined list, I block time in the calendar and I make it happen. Contrast that with how I used to do December. I would say “yes” to stuff, with only one real criteria: Is my calendar open?

Resentment is one of my least favorite emotions. What sucking on a slice of lemon does to the face, resentment does to the spirit. Resentment causes an inward spiral of bitterness, as we mentally catalog our grievances and complaints on repeat. But resentment can also be a powerful teacher and guide. It can be a big flashing sign saying, “BOUNDARY VIOLATION IN PROGRESS.” If we have the patience and tolerance for it, resentment will show us our path to freedom by showing us where we’ve betrayed ourselves.

Recently, I gave a speech to a group of CEOs and business leaders about communicating with authenticity. The audience was warm, engaged, and a lot of fun to work with. But during the Q&A, one of the CEOs raised his hand and asked me a question that stopped me in my tracks. He asked, For those of us who tend to live in our heads, how do we drop into our hearts? I mean … what a question! What a beautiful, human question. After gushing over the question, I finally got around to answering it.