Hi Friend,
Have you ever walked away from a crappy conversation, wishing you’d had a better comeback?
It’s a universal experience, I think. When someone flips a conversation with a passive-aggressive switch, or delivers a smiling, cruel insult, it completely catches us by surprise.
We never say the perfect thing in that moment. We’re too surprised by it.
And so we ruminate … the conversation follows us into the shower, and while we lather up our hair with shampoo we’re thinking of sick burns that would have reduced the other person to ash.
We think, If I could have just come up with something better to say on the spot, I would have come out feeling like a badass.
But here’s the thing:
It’s impossible to come up with the perfect comeback on the fly when we’ve been conversationally ambushed. We’re too shocked or surprised to be able to think clearly.
Which is why I always say the exact same line everytime someone says something meant to cut me.
It is the SICKEST of burns. Ready?
Wait, what did you mean by that?
(Facial expression is neutral, but curious.)
Now why would such a mild question be such a devastating comeback?
Because by asking that person to clarify what they said to you, you are making them OWN their words. That snide remark. Their nastiness. You’re making them spell it out.
Someone who’s lobbed a mini bomb at you is banking on destabilizing you. But when you put it back on them, they’re the ones having to explain themselves. They’re the ones feeling destabilized.
No more ruminating. No more clever conversational jousting. Just one simple question …
What did you mean by that?
Give it a shot. Please report back.
Shine on,
B
