| Pssst … I’m taking the week off, so I’m re-running one of this year’s most popular missives … enjoy, and I’ll see you after Labor Day! 🙂 |
| Friend- Once upon a time, someone very dear to me was going through a long season of suffering. Most of it is physical, and due to chronic pain, but much of it could be described as emotional anguish. This person is someone I love very, very much, and it was frustrating and agonizing to spend time with them because there was nothing I could say or do to make any of it any better. And this drove us both crazy. Then one day, after listening to a long list of complaints, when it was my turn to speak, instead of trying to solve their problems, or make “helpful” suggestions as I unfortunately do quite often, I said, “I just want you to know that I see how hard this is, and how hard you’re trying. You’re doing an amazing job of coping.” And then I pulled them into a giant hug. They welled up in tears, and whispered, “Thank you. I really, really needed to hear that.” By the time we got to our table, I could tell they felt lighter, as did I. And we didn’t talk about their sadness or pain for the rest of the meal. So often we think our value in conversation is to solve a problem, because suggesting solutions feels like power. It gives us a false sense of control over a situation that is often way beyond our control. But rarely in situations like this are we looking for solutions. What they’re looking for is validation. To know that another human being cares enough to tell them, I see you. You’re not alone. Or in the immortal words of Kris Kardashian, You’re doing great, sweetie. Your thought experiment for the week is this: How might you shift out of solving, and into witnessing? How might you validate someone’s suffering, instead of trying to alleviate it? Earth school is hard. And just with this simple phrase, we can be a light to each other in the darkness: I see you. I see how hard you’re trying. You’re doing an amazing job of coping. Shine on, my friend. B |
